Monthly Archives: July 2006

Force

Give us your dreams of light
So we may corrupt them
Twist them into something black
That laughs at storm clouds on the horizon
 
There is no black and white
Just shades of grey
All things must pass
And into the dark they fade away
 
Give us your weary minds
And tired eyes
That we may shape them
Into a mask of our own devise
 
To use and to abuse
To serve ourselves
Satiate our gluttony for pain
Fill the void in our empty human wells
 
Stand with your swords in your hand
Face the truth and the light
Arm yourself with love against us
The only weakness to our might
 
Love conquers all
And we fear it
We hate it
And we crave it
 
Love can beat us.
Oh how we yearn to be beaten.
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one of a kind

i asked someone once, if they had to describe Gerry to someone who had never met him before, what would you tell them? He said, "he’s different". yeah thats right. he is different. you could tell that from the first time you met him. Gerry used to like to tell people he could speak 5 different languages. English, French, Shiack, Sign Language and Swearing i thing it was, although how he considered swearing another language who knows.
Gerry was easy to tease yet had no shame it seemed. he would be laughing right along with you as you made a joke about him. Mr. Smokes a lot of cigarrettes Too Much. i wouldnt expect any but a couple of people to get that joke but thats ok. Or the time someone asked him "what are you doing, playing pocket pool?" Gerry’s answer a calm yes. When asked who was winning, his reply was "the guy in the middle" hahahah.
everyone knew Gerry to be a bit tight with a dollar and i teased him about that as much as anyone. but whenever i was in a jam he would bail me out, knowing that i would always pay him back. he always said it wasnt good to borrow money cause you spent it twice. once the money you borrowed on what ever you wanted and the second time by paying it back. borrow 20 bucks spend 40. made sense in a twisted sort of way. but then he was a little bit twisted too, but in a good way, a funny way, a friendly way.
when i worked with him for 6 or 7 years he was good enough to pick me up in the morning, out of his way across town and then drive me home after work. sometimes dropping off the kids at school on the way, or dropping me off at daycare so i could pick them up after.
he smoked menthol cigarettes for awhile so people would stop bumming them from him. late on he quit smoking, something i never thought he could ever do. way to go man. good stuff.
he worked for CN off and on for 15 or 16 years i think. pumped gas at the same gas station i worked at, which was where i first met him.my last night there he brought in 2 bottles of beer and said i wasnt leaving till he had a beer with me. i was going to manage a bottle exchage and he asked me if anything came up to remember him. haha. how the hell could i forget him. we worked together at the bottle exchange for a good 5 or 6 years. there, he left before me and went to work for Malley Industries as a janitor.
the point of all this is that Gerry was and is quite the character. when his nephew Nick sent me a message tonight, i was more shocked at myself than anything else.
Gerry lent me 20 bucks a couple of months ago when i was in a bind and flat broke, needing money to open a membership with Co oP fuels when moving into a new place. i went out and saw him at work. that was Gerry. you could always count on him.
so i sit here shocked at myself. my dad, my two uncles, i always thought there was more time. Time time and still more time. i can count the number of people i call friends on the fingers of one hand. Now i have one less finger to use when i count them. Gerry you were a good friend to me. funny, easy to get along with, and always there when i needed help
Nick messaged me tonight to tell me that Gerry died today around 430 this afternoon. and that f**king sucks. when i got the message Nick was offline. so i dont know why or how. all i know is that i now have one less friend.
so just so you know, and in case i havent told you lately, or at all:
To:
Pauliine: my one and only. i love you more than you could know, do know, or will ever know. im so happy i found you again. hold on to me as i want to hold on to you and dont ever let go of me again, and i promise to do the same.
Kayliegh and Tatiana: you are the reason i go to work everyday, the reason i cook and clean and wash and break myself so you may have a little somethng that might put a smile on your face. i love you both also more than you will ever be able to know until you have kids of your own. only then maybe you will understand.
Mom, Patricia and Juanita: my family who i never see. you are in my thoughts every day. i know everything you have done for me and put up with in your life Mom. and i know i was a big part of the reason you went thru all that. i love you for it more than i let you know and if at all possible ill try to correct it if time, that most terrible of all enemies permits. Patricia and Juanita, my sisters. we never spent enough time together. but i do love you just the same. it just seems to be our way isnt it.
B: you are the mother of my children. you were the only person in the world who could have given me Kay and Totty. no matter what differences we may have, i will always be able to thank you for 2 things and never have a reget in the world for any hard times we may have had because with out the kids my life would be pointless.
Jared: the only Sith i have ever met who has a heart of gold. i miss you when youre not around and if i could undo the pain i once caused you i would do it. yet you shrugged it off and still gave me a hug when you should have hated me. i dont know if i could have done that. youre a better man than i. i love you too in my own strange way.
Lynne: you held me up when i was falling down. when i couldnt talk to anyone else, when there was no one else to talk to, i could talk to you and you listened. you passed no judgement and asked for nothing in return. i hope you will always be as happy as you are now and even happier if possible in the future. some people will never grow old. you are one of them.
Nick: you told me one time, i was like the father you never had, or the father you wished you had. you dont know how that affected me. i could never be paid a higher compliment. some day we’ll sit down and have a beer and laugh at Gerry. cause thats the way it should be.
 
goodnight to all. miss you, love you, thinking of you.
robert.
 
in the end, love is all that matters, and you are what matters to me. this is for you, as simple as it may be.
 
your sweet voice soothes my mind and puts my soul at rest.
when i think of you, i think of soft perfumed skin and the comfort of your shoulder
in the  dark at night.
one day you will be able to stare at me when i stare at you
without turning away, your shy smile will beam brightly
and you’ll drink deeply the love in my eyes.
my first love,
my continuous love,
my teenage fantasy,
my woman of mystery,
my anchor to reality.
my one and only
Pauline

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