here i am in a new place, with a new job. new ideas, new bills, new worries, new stress. hehe. how do you know youre getting old? is it the little less breath you have when you walk? maybe something new in a popular trend or fashion that you just cant seem to understand? nah. ive been experiencing that for years. i didnt understand disco, i never was interested in rap, and i never became enthralled with the whole reality tv craze.
is it when women in their 30’s start to become just as attractive to you as women in their 20’s? or when you notice that those same said women in their 30’s now look at you differently? once upon a time sex was all you had on your mind. then one day you find yourself thinking well sex sure would be nice, but a full nights sleep is a good thing too.
then theres alcohol. a funny thing happened to me tonight. i stopped into a gas station to use the bank machine and buy a pack of cigarettes. the kid behind the counter asked me if i was going out drinking for the Irish tonight. i stared at him with that deer caught in the headlights look for a few seconds till it dawned on me that today was St. Patricks day, and i coming from and being proud to be Irish, had forgotten all about it and was being reminded of it by a kid half my age who at one time i could have drank under the table. but in the end i laughed it off and didnt really think to much more of it till now. it does explain though why i have had a craving for beer all week.
so how else do you know youre getting old? is it when you find that you need more than one hand to count how many people you have lost over the years? i know someone almost 10 years younger than me who has lost more people than i ever will, i hope, and he still retains his youthful attitude. so im left to believe that this is not the cause either, thou it cant help thats for sure.
what about pain? not emotional but physical. almost everyday i have pain from my neck that radiates down into my right arm mostly. sometimes my left but thankfully thats rare. i live with it and manage it as best as i can. someday ill have to have it taken care of. but thats for another time. when there is no other alternative. besides you need to be in a plane wreck with a broken neck and back, your heart in your hand and covered in burning jet fuel to get into the hospital now adays anyway. and god help you if the ambulance comes in while your waiting. no its not pain.
i already know the answer to the question anyway. its just that i havent written anything for so long that i thought i would indulge myself and see where this went.
you know youre getting old when you find yourself staring into the mirror in the middle of shaving, before you have to go to work, and you find something that wasnt there before. well it must have been there but you didnt see it. but how could you have missed it? you turn your face toward the overhead lights above the mirror and to the left and the right, try to position your fingers in the reverse image of the mirror and attempt to come to terms with the reality that stares you in the face, undeniably forcing you to admit that you are indeed getting older and one day, there will not be anymore days for you.
you search the medicine cabinet for tools, and under the bathroom sink and find nothing at hand to help you cope, so you say to hell with it, raise your hand, taking finger and thumb together and grasp reality by a thin thread and pull as a tear comes to your eye. then you hold it up to the light and stare in wonder and at last in reluctant acceptance, at a grey strand of hair.
yes you are getting older. your step is slowing ever so slightly. and yours days of believing in unlimited days and nights of life must come to an end. cruel world this is that we live in. yet i wouldnt trade it. change a few things more to my liking sure. but thats the way things have been and the way they will always be.
and now i have written more than enough, probably too much. and maybe ive made a big deal out of nothing eh? but how many times do the little things in your life turn out to have the biggest influence.
take care, sleep well and have a good night. whoever and where ever you are.