Monthly Archives: October 2005

Worthless Guilt Unresolved

Little one, standing by the door
Just out of sight
But never out of mind
What is she waiting for?
 
The things you say today
Will not be forgotten
They will be strengthened
Or weakened by your words
 
Utterences of thoughtlessness
And the measurement of time
A careless sideways glance
Shatters the mind of the young
 
Stupidity is multiplied
By the number of years of neglect
Unsaid words pile up like dishes in a sink
Half dried laundry, molding from want of a home
 
Constantly there in body
But never there in mind
Dreaming things that have as much chance
As pigs on the wing
 
Words do not a father make
Actions prove the parent
They slip away like days in the year
And holidays mean less than a kind word from you
 
Terrible blue eyed beast of loneliness
More fearsome than the color green
Eating away at the soul
With the promise of safety forever in the background
 
I saw you once upon a time
Tasting salt in the air
Floating with my immortality
While i found sanctuary in the burning of my soles
 
The darkness calls to me
With the mountains of promise
And if I should heed the call
I fear I shall never return
 
All sanity faded from sight
On a clear morning
In the form of red rectangles fading in the distance
And your carbon feeding the trees
 
I am a bad man
Cut from a bad cloth
The green runs in my blood
Like fire water madness ran in his
 
Your destiny is your own is the argument
Can you be so misguided
That you cannot see
The most important thing of all
 
Little one standing
Just out of sight
Waiting for the answers
To questions yet to be formed
 
Shame on you to think such thoughts
You must have died on the table
In the farmer’s castle so many years ago
And you just dont know it yet.
 
 
 
 
 

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I Walk a Lonely Road

i walk a lonely road
held fast to the side
by commitment and duty
while the cars speed by
 
a road with beginning
and with an end
the start too far back
and the end too far ahead
 
afraid to stick out my thumb
cause someone might stop
thinking me good company
and share what they’ve got
 
the fields and farms
and small towns in between
the faces of the people
mean nothing to me
 
once upon a time
someone stopped and said
where are you going
do you need a ride my friend
 
on a rough road
we travelled together
the headlights cut the night
and wipers beat back the weather
 
we couldnt see the road
and the curves up ahead
the road we travelled
in the end was dead
 
that was a long time ago
and i walk like before
never again to open
another car door
 
once since then
a car passed me by
i leveled my thumb
she drove fast, and i cried
 
i walk a lonely road
forever looking back
wondering why
she would pass me like that
 
i know some directions
and i could give advice
of the curves and the danger
the rain, snow or ice
 
but she drove and i walk
now forever on this track
waiting and watching
for her car to come back

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The Purpose of the Wind

as i hear the early morning call
of cold and dying breeze of fall
 
let this wind that chills me now
serve a purpose she would never allow
 
carry to her what she cannot see
a gentle kiss to her from me
 
feather brush upon her cheek
not to disturb her dreams now deep
 
but only to say im thinking of you
let the wind carry now what i cannot do

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Reincarnate

Darkness

Nothingness

Black

No desire to go back

Quite and total peace.

 

Then light which made the emptiness cease.

 

Imagine your eyes never to be shut

A silver colored web

Encircles the earth

Where all that came before

Wait for the calling to return

To what they once knew.

Caught in the web

Like an image reflected in a mirror

Like a fly who waits for release

I waited, without knowledge

Of before or after

Waited for the call to return

To the love I left behind

To the one I left to soon.

What a cruel fate

To carry with you

Into the beyond

The desire for

Something you can never have again.

The web breaks

And I fall

Back into a vessel

I know nothing about

And would have no knowledge

Without me.

Somewhere you have carried on

With your life

All the promises we have made

Forgotten with the passage of time

You will not know me

If you pass me on the street.

And I may not know you

But love is eternal

And I am the proof

Which cannot be proven.

I am the fact

Which no one will believe.

I am,

Once again.

Someday we will be together

As we were before

Before the silver web

And the empty, nothingness

Darkness

Black.

 

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Jealous of Everything(the other side of love says)

i am jealous of the sheets
upon your bed
for they are closer to you
than i shall ever be
 
i am jealous of  the sun
that caresses your face
in the morning
for it does what i can never do
 
i am jealous of the water
that washes your body
for it touches you
where i may never touch
 
i am jealous of the clothes
that softly cover you
for they do
what i long to do
 
i am jealous of the food
that passes between your lips
for it goes where
i may never go
 
i am jealous of the work
that occupys your mind
for it does just that
and i do not
 
i am jealous of the things
your eyes set upon
for they are on them
and not on me
 
i am jealous of the goals
you have to fulfill
for i am not
to be found on the list
 
i am jealous of the very
air that surrounds you
cause it is with you always
and i am not
 
i am jealous of all the things
that i am not
yet i love you
because
despite all this
you have accepted me for what i am
 
and i am jealous.

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The Things Love Says

Love says I will stand by you

I will not judge you

Love says I will share with you

I will not hold back from you

Love says I will give to you

I will not demand from you

Love says I will trust you

I will not test you

Love says I will show you

I will not conceal from you

Love says I will respect you

I will not degrade you

 

And sometimes love says

I adored you before I even knew your name

But I never took you for granted.

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Puddle Jumping

climbing out of bed
and into a coffee cup
rain falls
happiness is a splash in a puddle
you keep jumping
but it never lasts as long
as you would like
 
push and try to knock me down
its the little things
that can make you so happy
like the thought of you
jumping a puddle
the rain touchs everything
but it cant touch you
 
tell me again
the things you want to do
pigs can fly
and you can swim
in a puddle if you try
run and jump and laugh
and get me all wet
 
they can see a sadness
in the eyes
no one else can see
water running down the face
a substitute for tears that are
too stubborn to leave their home
i believe but i think you do not
 
i wish you were here.

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Crazy

in my time of need
i cut myself to bleed
just to see if i still can
ive drowned in my fears
for too many years
its more than i think i can stand
i cant bare to think
so ill just have a drink
forget what just slipped thru my hands
with time inside my brain
ill subsitute your love for pain
its so much easier to find
replace your face here in my mind
i want to be in sane
waiting for these words i write
i dream all thru the long dark night
each day brings sleep at last
still cant escape the past
im tired of being in vain
ill curl up in bed
you might think that im dead
but its just deep and empty sleep
the truth tells me why
the lies are larger and i
find that i sow but i cant reep
no more time on my side
ive got nothing left to hide
one more page with words that fail
my train just jumped and left the rail
are my lights on let me check
my timing is all wrong
my main watch spring is gone
these words are meant for you
i dont know who im talking to
my ace is missing from this deck
my lights are on but no ones home
standing still is when i roam
this car is running on three wheels
im running out of cards to deal
cant think of what to say
no better way to end this day
than like this
empty.

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The Tour

there is the smell
of wood burning in the stove
and laughter all around
drinks to be had, stories to tell
before the winter
freezes the ground
 
walk with me now
down the long dirt drive
past farmland and fields
past pickup and tractor
nothing grows anymore
the dirt has no yeilds
 
climb up with me
on steps of stone
where many a footstep has fell
the door is always open no one locks up here
there is one more story
left here to tell
 
step into the kitchen
theres a good heat on
just like i said there would be
take off your shoes and rest yourself now
pull up a chair
and sit here with me
 
but wait, not that one
you cannot sit there
that chair is reserved
you might not understand
ill try to explain
if i can keep my nerve
 
come with me now
lets take the grand tour
im sure that no one will mind
pictures and clothing
and memories faded
are not all thats left here behind
 
Walk the long stairs
to the second floor room
this was your fathers view
They grew up together
here in this place
different yet still much like you
 
she slept here
and he was there
look at the wood stove pipe
bend down now but dont burn your ear
cant you hear laughter
just listen, you might
 
look out the window
and wonder to think
that the scene never changed at all
the fields are still clear
the river still runs
The trees are still strong and tall
 
look on the wall
Theres a picture youll like
look how proudly he stands
some might say
he looks something like you
but ive never been such a handsom young man
 
listen now there
the family is here
lets go down and have a drink
lets laugh and talk
and tell the good jokes
later will be time to think
 
but tell me now please
when i take my seat
why should i not sit down there
whos place was this
where have they gone
why are we left with this chair
 
well now you touch me
deep in my heart
the answer is hard to explain
everytime i think
i have it all clear
somehow it leaves me again
 
lets just say
that chair is for one
who is tired and needs a good rest
we love him and miss him
more than he knows
we’ll always think him the best
 
so lets pour a drink
and have good laugh
with friends that cannot be here
let tom tell a story
of how he would talk
and spread out the good Irish cheer
 
we’ll stay up late
cause theres plenty of room
and no need for you to go home
and if you feel lost
and not sure where to go
remember where ever you roam
 
theres an old house up river
just round the turn
and a pick up outside in the drive
and a friendly face
there in the kitchen
waiting for you to arrive
 
 when you leave dont forget
someday youll come back
to the peace that your heart is yearning
put wood in the stove
and slam the top hard
and keep all the home fires burning

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Suicide Prayer

There is a secret
Which we all hide
Locked deep within
Hidden from the light
 
There is a suffering
We don’t understand
It cannot be held
In the palm of the hand
 
It comes when the mind
Is unoccupied
Deep in the heart
Is where it resides
 
We fill up our days
With endless toil
Our very own senses
We seek to foil
 
So it lays in wait
And rears its head
When the rest of the world
Has gone to bed
 
When they ask you
Are you ok?
You smile and offer
Just had a bad day
 
But the secret lives
And bides its time
It does not care
For wrong or right
 
Who is hurt
And who feels lost
It has no remorse
And counts not the cost
 
Give up the secret
To someone you trust
Think of them now
And do what you must
 
Share the secret
As you would have them do
Give them the chance
To be there for you
 
Wouldnt you listen
To someones pain
If they asked you to
Wouldnt you do the same
 
Tell me, Ill listen
Ask me, Ill try
My God I swear
I wont let it go by
 
Take these last words
Make them come true
Before the secret
Is the death of you.

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